From there to here

You may remember when I felt like this.

And I told you when I felt like this.


But I did not tell very many about this (newly imported from my private journal).

Not even this or this.


And certainly not this.


But I feel much more comfortable sharing a look into this most intimate journey I have been on, because of THIS.

What do you think?

I've wondered lately about my life, and my calling responsibilities in particular.

I've fretted and worried about my abilities, or lack thereof, specifically organization, and decision making....things that do not come naturally to me, but I know are important.


So that must be why I was called to this position?


To learn these important lessons, to "make weak things strong unto [me]".

But sometimes I wonder, if perhaps that's why we have councilors and secretaries, to even out the load, to fill in for each others' lack. Perhaps this is a way for weak things to become strong.


So that must be why I was called to this position?


To share important burdens, to jointly fill essential needs.

But also I ponder (and apparently others do too), that perhaps I already have within me, all that is required. That my abilities, my strengths: calmness, love, innovation, knowledge, and teaching are perhaps the most important things that can be given to those I serve.


And that is why I was chosen for this position?


To fret less about what is hard and unnatural for me, and instead to invest my time, "Improv[ing] the Shining Moments". Taking what is best about me, and giving it all my effort.




I don't know. Perhaps all three?


What do you think?

In the meantime: Riddles!

While you wait for me to stop procrastinating write your poems, here are some riddles to keep you busy! If you are the first to solve, there may even be a prize!


___________________________________________________

I

Vanguard of my family, Crowded by my enemy

Known for equanimity, Home to anemone

II

Chosen to complete my task

Trained in service while at home

To serve my liege is all I ask

Soon I’ll be allowed to roam

And join my sisters in their quest

Learn to dance the aged routine

Seek and find gold without rest

And offer treasure to my Queen.

Note: Using google is cheating, but collaborating with a friend is teamwork!

Poetry on Demand

I'm trying to be more creative, and so I'm asking for your help with an experiment.

Do you think I could write poetry on demand? Let's find out.


Please comment and I will do my best to write about you (or another person/subject of your choice).


If I don't know you, leave your blog address so I can do a little spying.


I think poetry (of all kinds) is eminently appropriate for the Valentine's season, don't you?



WARNING: These poems will most likely be abstract, confusing drabbles. I can't help how my mind works!

We all feel like this sometimes....right?

My life is filling up with wonderful, frightening things.

I feel like God has certain things he needs me to learn, and learn fast, before becoming a parent and splitting my focus.

I feel like I must be the most spiritual, the most organized, the most worthy, the most loving, and the most determined I've ever been in my whole life.

I'm going to be awesome, but I'm terrified.


I've never liked hard work.



There is a war within me. A war between growth and comfort, rightness and ease.

Succeeding is so important to me, but I want it to be easy.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.


Perhaps it is a blessing I have no child as of yet. I've never been a good multi-tasker.


Hello life. Please don't hurt me!



Now is the time.


Now.

Now.

Now.

Such Words

It is interesting to be named for a woman so associated with motherhood. I have always felt such a kinship with her. A woman of pure virtue, a woman of beauty, I always dreamed of playing her on stage, singing songs about her, or being discovered by an artist, certain that I am the very vision of her, and must be the model for his painting.

I also dreamed of and gloried in coming motherhood, from childhood even. I have always been, profoundly, a future mother.

As I grew older, I knew this to be my chosen path, more important than any career. College was for growth, and development of talents and interests, and to a lesser degree preparation for a possible income.

Surely I would have many children. Why bother waiting? All I needed was the right man, someone I could share every bit of myself with and one who desired children in the way I did. What a glorious future!


(This pause is for laughing/eye-rolling etc.)


Now, my hopes are so solid in comparison to my girlish dreams. They are more specific, more based in reality. I watch friends planning on having a few children giving birth right and left.

We, the little family with grand plans, wait, wait, wait.

Somehow Barren Tree is more a companion, than tiny seedling.

And Mary…Mary!

My hero, my guide.

For the first time in my life, her story gives me pain.

The beautiful, transforming words, “Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb…,” prick my heart.

Please, Lord, let such words be for me.

Byronic: Jane Eyre as told by Alanis Morissette

If you're not familiar with Alanis Morissette, you can listen to the original here.

And in case you wanna sing along, here's the karaoke version:




(Spoilers ahead)

"Byronic"

A young man brooded alone
Waiting for someone to speak to his soul
Until here you come a quiet fool
And before you know it into his arms you’ve flown
And isn't it Byronic... don't you think

Then a man shows up on your wedding day
Your dreams are shattered cause your fiancé
Has a wife in the attic that he’s hidden away
Who would've thought... it figures

No matter what you do what is right
You pack your suitcase and tell him goodbye
He’s so confident that you’ll do what he says
But you sneak out in the middle of the night
And isn't it Byronic... don't you think

Cause the man showed up on your wedding day
Your dreams were shattered cause your fiancé
Had a wife in the attic that he’d hidden away
Who would've thought... it figures

Tall, Dark, and Handsome face, doesn’t mean that it’s alright
When he won’t give you space, and has arrogance to match his charm
But ”Mad, Bad, and Dangerous” doesn’t mean he can’t love
You till the end of time and through all obstacles
In your way

A secret cousin who takes you in
A random inheritance gives you freedom from him
Then you’re hearing voices that change your life
Your love’s been blinded by a fire
Set by his crazy wife
And isn't it Byronic...don't you think?
A little too Byronic...and, yeah, I really do think...

When that man showed up on your wedding day
And dreams were shattered cause your fiancé
Had a wife in the attic that he’d hidden away
You should've thought... it figures

Tall, Dark, and Handsome face haunting your dreams at night
”Mad, Bad, and Dangerous” ways telling you he’s no white knight
He’s no white knight