The Photoshoot

Some of you know that I won a free photoshoot in a contest a few months back. The Photographer, Kellie, of That's So You Photography, and I agreed that, since I was pregnant, we should wait until I was closer to term and make it a maternity shoot.

This was quite amazing, since I had been secretly wanting a maternity shoot, but didn't think I could bring myself to pay for pictures of a baby that wasn't even born yet! I had planned on hiring her down the road to take pictures of my little man, but I'm SO glad I got to have these done!

We met at Heritage Park in Cerritos on a Saturday morning. Kellie was great. I was the one who stepped in dog doo, leaned on ant trails, and laid in bird pee. What can I say? Nature loves me!

Anyway, enough about that, here are the pictures!!!












I think this one is my favorite...but I'm having a very hard time deciding!


Ack! See? I like this one too!








In case you didn't know by now, I don't like wearing shoes...




As you can see, Kellie is a very talented photographer (not to mention a great person and friend!). I am often amazed at how good she is at photographing children, and I am excited to have her help documenting the little personalities that join our family.

Only one more month till I get to meet my baby boy!

We all feel like this sometimes....right?

My life is filling up with wonderful, frightening things.

I feel like God has certain things he needs me to learn, and learn fast, before becoming a parent and splitting my focus.

I feel like I must be the most spiritual, the most organized, the most worthy, the most loving, and the most determined I've ever been in my whole life.

I'm going to be awesome, but I'm terrified.


I've never liked hard work.



There is a war within me. A war between growth and comfort, rightness and ease.

Succeeding is so important to me, but I want it to be easy.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.


Perhaps it is a blessing I have no child as of yet. I've never been a good multi-tasker.


Hello life. Please don't hurt me!



Now is the time.


Now.

Now.

Now.

Happiness

"I can never forget the night I thought you were dying, Gilbert. Oh, I knew--I knew then--and I thought it was too late."

"But it wasn't, sweetheart. Oh, Anne, this makes up for everything, doesn't it? Let's resolve to keep this day sacred to perfect beauty all our lives for the gift it has given us."

"It's the birthday of our happiness," said Anne softly.



You're up too late. Husband gone to bed, and you finishing a children's book just after midnight. It was cute, funny even, but left you wishing for something more. You rise, head to the bookshelf for a midnight snack. What will it be? Frederick Wentworth's life-altering letter to Anne? Mara and Sheftu's dance of misdirection turned devotion?

You sit, eyeing your old friends, waiting for one to speak, and come to a boxed set, untouched, unread, a Christmas gift from your mother. Unconciously, you have been saving them. You know why she wanted you to have them. You'd grown up hearing stories of her, reading Laura Ingills Wilder to get through nausea, and knew, when she presented you with a different (but equally beloved) series for your own, what they were for. There was a laugh in her eye, and you smiled. Each of you knew the other knew.

So they sat, untouched, on the shelf, waiting for the terrible, wonderful days of change. You would read them straight through, in order, something you've never done. Yet, your hand hovers over the third volume, the one you read most as a younger adult, in those eyes, the most romantic.

Pulling it from the box, you open the book around page two hundred. You skim through the Heroine's denial, graduation, realization, homecoming, family, friends, and then revelation.

"There is a book of revelation in everyone's life, just as there is in the Bible. Anne read hers that bitter night, as she kept her agonized vigil through the hours of storm and darkness."

Unconsciously, you have been trying not to break the spine, but, telling yourself not be silly, you open the book, your book, wider, relinquishing a portion of your dream. This may not count for a first read, but broken spines do not equal broken traditions. Or so you tell yourself.

There are two statements on the final page that you have heard others quote, but your eyes find something new, something you've never noticed before, and well with emotion at the words, "the birthday of our happiness."

You remember such a day of your own, a day of decision, a day upon which you were finally ready to step from fifteen months of darkness into the light of the rest of your life. Happiness is a gift, but it is also a choice. That day you were afraid, but you finally knew what you wanted, and had the courage to take it anyway.

And as you bask in the sudden peace of gratitude and love, you remember the man in the room next to you, the one who shares that birthday. The light is still on, so you are not surprised to find him as he is, asleep on his knees, head on the bed, arms still in the attitude of prayer.

You wake him, turn out the lights, get him under the covers, and hold him close to you.

Often, when you see the two of you reflected in a mirror, your mind seems to disown your body and, for a moment, you wonder who you are, who he is, how you came to be together. But tonight, as he pulls you close, you fall asleep remembering how it all happened, warm in your surety, safe in familiarity, spirit settled in the present.

You've had many special days since then, a day of promise, a day of covenants, but your heart turns fondly to that day, the dawning day, of the birthday of your happiness.

Tuesday (July 9)

My Dear Aunt,

What pleasure it gave me to return from my morning walk and find your letter waiting for me! Yes, I assure you we are quite well and am glad you are all the same. I can hardly believe it is an entire year since quitting my parents home and coming to D------ with my Dear Husband!

As to your inquiries about our neighbourhood, I can assure you our set is extremely pleasant. Only this morning Mrs. L---- and I went on our daily stroll. We are determined (like many a modern woman) to "avoid all sedentary amusements." Though I shall miss our strolls when she enters her confinement, I shall still keep company with our dear friend Mrs. S--------. (Mrs. S is a charming lady also much interested in health and sport.)

Things are a bit slow just now, as it is summer. We have been to a few dinner parties, but I am no longer working in the church-school. Still, I visit Grandmama each Wednesday and have read so many books that, were I not married, I'd likely become a qualified bluestocking!

Of course you are aware that my dear brother was visiting from the East. What a dear their little Eva is. Nearly a year old and we had never laid eyes on her! Mama and I wish they had not settled so far away, but I suppose one must go where there is a living to be had.
Speaking of Mama, she and Papa leave tomorrow for their tour of the Northern Coasts. They are traveling in rather a grand fashion and have had to get new clothes for all the parties and dinners they will attend.

I do hope you will call on Grandmama while they are away, she gets quite lonely. My DH and I will be up in town for a few days, but we have several parties to attend and won't be very good company I'm afraid.

Please give our best to all the family.

Your affec. neice,
M. E. P----

Mrs. B----, Sunnyvale Park
Inland Rivers, Kent

Waiting

I have a warm place.

Dark


Quiet



Safe




and Empty.



Waiting just for you.




___________________________________________________

Warning: The following discusses two medical conditions (though neither very graphically).



I had that thought during Sacrament meeting yesterday, "I have a warm place." It was a bittersweet feeling. This week I had what is termed a 'Chemical Pregnancy.' That's when you have a miscarriage at less than five weeks along. I took my test on Monday, when I was maybe six. The positive reading was a surprise (because of the bleeding) but I didn't really get the chance to be excited. By the end of work, I guessed I would miscarry. The cramps were so strong.

I would feel fine in the mornings, and then horrible in the evenings. Finally, on Wednesday, I started having large clots (the shedding lining). Once they were passed, I felt normal again. I'm okay now, but I still have to take it easy. On Thursday I was bending over (picking stuff up) and it caused me some pain. I think that's probably passed now, but I'm still feeling a bit sick. However, I think that's my digestion issues. Something's going on there, but I'm not sure what. It's like my entire tract (from the stomach down) is sensitive. I feel fine till I eat, and then it hurts all the way down. It's worse if it's sugary, greasy food, but it hurts no matter what.

Emotionally, I'm okay. That first night (last Monday) I was calm till I talked to my mom. I could hear the sincere pity in her voice. It made me feel a little doomed. Then I asked Chris to give me a blessing. In the prayer beforehand, I asked the Lord for guidance, and for truth. After the blessing, I told Chris I should have been more specific about the kind of truth I wanted! I wanted to know if I needed to go to the hospital, He told me I needed to have faith and be joyful. I wanted to know the future of this baby, He told me that my children love me, and will come to me at the appointed time. By the end, I realized that things could go either way, and, somehow, that was less comforting than before.

I couldn't deal with it, so we watched Wives and Daughters. I was better after that, struggling to have faith, to not feel sorry for myself. It was an up and down day.

Still, yesterday, Father's Day, I had that moment, I wrote my Haiku, and it must have given me a little eternal perspective, because during the closing Hymn, O My Father, I felt kind of homesick. I love music because it teaches you emotions. I really felt along with Eliza R. Snow this time. I missed Him too.

O my Father, thou that dwellest

In the high and glorious place,

When shall I regain thy presence

And again behold thy face?

...

For a wise and glorious purpose (!!)

Thou hast placed me here on earth

And withheld the recollection

Of my former friends and birth;

...

I had learned to call thee Father,

Thru thy Spirit from on high,

But, until the key of knowledge

Was restored, I knew not why.

In the heav’ns are parents single?

No, the thought makes reason stare!

Truth is reason; truth eternal

Tells me I’ve a mother there.

When I leave this frail existence,

When I lay this mortal by,

Father, Mother, may I meet you

In your royal courts on high?

Then, at length, when I’ve completed

All you sent me forth to do,

With your mutual approbation

Let me come and dwell with you.

It's like I told Chris later that day. That's it! That's the reason. We come to this earth to be parents, to create life!

This time is a time of creation. Whatever we make of ourselves, what relationships we make, pieces of art, what children we make, what spaces, what times, what happiness. That's what it's about.


And that's what I want to do.


Father, help me not to be idle while I wait.

Anniversary Weekend

Today (May 17th) is my first wedding anniversary. To celebrate, Chris and I decided to take a couple days off, and do lots of fun stuff. We thought about traveling somewhere, but living here in California, there's plenty of stuff we want to do that's right here at home, so we've been taking day trips.

On Thursday, after work, we drove up to Thousand Oaks where I had found a little community company (The Conejo Players Theatre). There we saw The Teahouse of the August Moon. I figured it'd be good since it won both a Tony and a Pulitzer. It's the story of the U.S. occupation of Okinawa following World War II and the American effort to "teach" Democracy. It was well done and funny. Though by today's standards it was on the cheesy side, when it was first performed in the 1950s, I'm sure it was groundbreaking. It just goes to show, if you want to challenge long-held assumptions, it's easier to get through with light-hearted comedy, than heavy lectures.

(P.S. If you want to see Marlon Brando in a comedic role, check out the Movie version)


On Friday we got to sleep in (hooray!) and then we drove out to the Discovery Science Center. The "Cube" is SO fun. Every exhibit is hands-on. Basically, you wander around and play with really cool toys. You try to figure out how things work, experiment to see what would happen if you do this or that, or invent games from the exhibits. (It's kind of like going to Wal-mart with my friend Todd)

One exhibit they have now is called "The Science of Hockey," so Chris got to show off his skills for me (even though I beat him as Goalie!). They also have an earthquake room, virtual volleyball, and we even treated ourselves to some dippen' dots!

Afterward, we went to the mall down the street and ate at CPK. Chris had the Pesto Chicken pizza (with sun-dried tomatoes and pine nuts),



and I had the Thai Peanut Crunch Salad.





On Saturday we went to the Renaissance Faire. After scouring some thrift stores earlier that week, I thought we turned out pretty well. I think we were a little too medieval in style (with low waists instead of high ones), but for first timers I thought we were okay.




I've had that corset for a long time, one of my favorite finds. (and the yellow pin says: "Das CRAY-see!!" It's from the Van Kleaver Brothers' show)





Here's Chris trying out a sword made for men with inferiority complexes: (You can't tell, but it's almost as tall as he is)




And here are some of the details of our costumes:



Thank goodness for Swap Meets, that's where we found the "leather" for Chris' "boots" (which were a pain to make, and yes, those are stapled together)




and also my Snood. The lady gave it to me for a dollar because the elastic was shot....which was cool since I probably would have cut it out anyway!


Chris already had this awesome Swedish belt buckle:




Let me tell you about the Renaissance Faire. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. Be prepared for bosoms and a little drunkenness, but also be prepared for people who trade their inhibitions in for their costumes. It's a very freeing place. You can laugh and sing, insult people, strike up conversations with strangers. Anything goes. The relaxed atmosphere lets people play and have fun. It's a wonderful thing to witness grown adults playing dress-up like children. Did I see fifty-year-old belly-dancers hitting on a pirate? Yes. Did I get talked into buying a raffle ticket ("For a very good cause") by a ten-year old salesman (who is ready to head to the Yukon and make a killing selling ice). Absolutely. Did I cheer my heart out for the arrogant and impudent Sir James? Of course! (Even though we knew he was going to lose as soon as we learned he'd promised each of us a Guinness each for cheering him to victory).

Chris and I are already planning for next year....who wants to come?


On Sunday, the day of rest, we visited family in our home town (not very far away, but not something we usually get to do on the Sabbath because of our church responsibilities).


Then, on Monday we headed out to Knott's (compliments of Mom [Carol] and Dad). We had a great time, but felt our age! There were a ton of middle-schoolers there (standing too close to their boyfriends), and we also discovered that our bodies aren't as resilient when it comes to roller coasters. We were able to go on everything we wanted to, but we had to take breaks between the big ones. My head was killing me, and Chris' back hurt. Still, it was fun and totally worth it! Afterwards we went to PoFolks for dinner. I'd never been there, but it was great! They had typical homestyle diner fare, with an emphisas on southern flavors. The dinners came with three "Veggies." I chose Cole Slaw, Macaroni n' Cheese, and Baked Beans!


We don't plan on doing such extravigant things for every anniversary, but it was nice to treat ourselves. Besides, we all need to do our part to help our failing economy!