The Photoshoot

Some of you know that I won a free photoshoot in a contest a few months back. The Photographer, Kellie, of That's So You Photography, and I agreed that, since I was pregnant, we should wait until I was closer to term and make it a maternity shoot.

This was quite amazing, since I had been secretly wanting a maternity shoot, but didn't think I could bring myself to pay for pictures of a baby that wasn't even born yet! I had planned on hiring her down the road to take pictures of my little man, but I'm SO glad I got to have these done!

We met at Heritage Park in Cerritos on a Saturday morning. Kellie was great. I was the one who stepped in dog doo, leaned on ant trails, and laid in bird pee. What can I say? Nature loves me!

Anyway, enough about that, here are the pictures!!!












I think this one is my favorite...but I'm having a very hard time deciding!


Ack! See? I like this one too!








In case you didn't know by now, I don't like wearing shoes...




As you can see, Kellie is a very talented photographer (not to mention a great person and friend!). I am often amazed at how good she is at photographing children, and I am excited to have her help documenting the little personalities that join our family.

Only one more month till I get to meet my baby boy!

Guess what?

It's a boy!

"Wee Manny," or "Posy"?

When we were little, I was my Grannie's "Posy" and all the boy cousins were "Wee Mannies" (except for my eldest brother who, as the eldest, had the distinction of being her "Wee Man").

My mother used to tell people that she had one princess and four frogs.


Now it's my turn. Whatever will we have? :)


You can VOTE over there ------>

Such Words

It is interesting to be named for a woman so associated with motherhood. I have always felt such a kinship with her. A woman of pure virtue, a woman of beauty, I always dreamed of playing her on stage, singing songs about her, or being discovered by an artist, certain that I am the very vision of her, and must be the model for his painting.

I also dreamed of and gloried in coming motherhood, from childhood even. I have always been, profoundly, a future mother.

As I grew older, I knew this to be my chosen path, more important than any career. College was for growth, and development of talents and interests, and to a lesser degree preparation for a possible income.

Surely I would have many children. Why bother waiting? All I needed was the right man, someone I could share every bit of myself with and one who desired children in the way I did. What a glorious future!


(This pause is for laughing/eye-rolling etc.)


Now, my hopes are so solid in comparison to my girlish dreams. They are more specific, more based in reality. I watch friends planning on having a few children giving birth right and left.

We, the little family with grand plans, wait, wait, wait.

Somehow Barren Tree is more a companion, than tiny seedling.

And Mary…Mary!

My hero, my guide.

For the first time in my life, her story gives me pain.

The beautiful, transforming words, “Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb…,” prick my heart.

Please, Lord, let such words be for me.

Still nothing.

Woke up this morning. Stretched. I've made a goal that I will put a few things away in my room every time I'm in there, even before visiting the restroom.

On the way to my dresser, I began to sneeze. Suddenly, it was imperative that I get to the bathroom.

I made it through the sneeze, and the second one.


WAIT! What's this? A third sneeze? But! I....


I peed.


Just a little.


I don't even feel humiliated.

It just seems unfair.


I'm not even pregnant.




Then this would be a lot cooler.

You know....as far as peeing your pants goes.

Waiting

I have a warm place.

Dark


Quiet



Safe




and Empty.



Waiting just for you.




___________________________________________________

Warning: The following discusses two medical conditions (though neither very graphically).



I had that thought during Sacrament meeting yesterday, "I have a warm place." It was a bittersweet feeling. This week I had what is termed a 'Chemical Pregnancy.' That's when you have a miscarriage at less than five weeks along. I took my test on Monday, when I was maybe six. The positive reading was a surprise (because of the bleeding) but I didn't really get the chance to be excited. By the end of work, I guessed I would miscarry. The cramps were so strong.

I would feel fine in the mornings, and then horrible in the evenings. Finally, on Wednesday, I started having large clots (the shedding lining). Once they were passed, I felt normal again. I'm okay now, but I still have to take it easy. On Thursday I was bending over (picking stuff up) and it caused me some pain. I think that's probably passed now, but I'm still feeling a bit sick. However, I think that's my digestion issues. Something's going on there, but I'm not sure what. It's like my entire tract (from the stomach down) is sensitive. I feel fine till I eat, and then it hurts all the way down. It's worse if it's sugary, greasy food, but it hurts no matter what.

Emotionally, I'm okay. That first night (last Monday) I was calm till I talked to my mom. I could hear the sincere pity in her voice. It made me feel a little doomed. Then I asked Chris to give me a blessing. In the prayer beforehand, I asked the Lord for guidance, and for truth. After the blessing, I told Chris I should have been more specific about the kind of truth I wanted! I wanted to know if I needed to go to the hospital, He told me I needed to have faith and be joyful. I wanted to know the future of this baby, He told me that my children love me, and will come to me at the appointed time. By the end, I realized that things could go either way, and, somehow, that was less comforting than before.

I couldn't deal with it, so we watched Wives and Daughters. I was better after that, struggling to have faith, to not feel sorry for myself. It was an up and down day.

Still, yesterday, Father's Day, I had that moment, I wrote my Haiku, and it must have given me a little eternal perspective, because during the closing Hymn, O My Father, I felt kind of homesick. I love music because it teaches you emotions. I really felt along with Eliza R. Snow this time. I missed Him too.

O my Father, thou that dwellest

In the high and glorious place,

When shall I regain thy presence

And again behold thy face?

...

For a wise and glorious purpose (!!)

Thou hast placed me here on earth

And withheld the recollection

Of my former friends and birth;

...

I had learned to call thee Father,

Thru thy Spirit from on high,

But, until the key of knowledge

Was restored, I knew not why.

In the heav’ns are parents single?

No, the thought makes reason stare!

Truth is reason; truth eternal

Tells me I’ve a mother there.

When I leave this frail existence,

When I lay this mortal by,

Father, Mother, may I meet you

In your royal courts on high?

Then, at length, when I’ve completed

All you sent me forth to do,

With your mutual approbation

Let me come and dwell with you.

It's like I told Chris later that day. That's it! That's the reason. We come to this earth to be parents, to create life!

This time is a time of creation. Whatever we make of ourselves, what relationships we make, pieces of art, what children we make, what spaces, what times, what happiness. That's what it's about.


And that's what I want to do.


Father, help me not to be idle while I wait.