10 December, 2009
Byronic: Jane Eyre as told by Alanis Morissette
And in case you wanna sing along, here's the karaoke version:
(Spoilers ahead)
"Byronic"
A young man brooded alone
Waiting for someone to speak to his soul
Until here you come a quiet fool
And before you know it into his arms you’ve flown
And isn't it Byronic... don't you think
Then a man shows up on your wedding day
Your dreams are shattered cause your fiancé
Has a wife in the attic that he’s hidden away
Who would've thought... it figures
No matter what you do what is right
You pack your suitcase and tell him goodbye
He’s so confident that you’ll do what he says
But you sneak out in the middle of the night
And isn't it Byronic... don't you think
Cause the man showed up on your wedding day
Your dreams were shattered cause your fiancé
Had a wife in the attic that he’d hidden away
Who would've thought... it figures
Tall, Dark, and Handsome face, doesn’t mean that it’s alright
When he won’t give you space, and has arrogance to match his charm
But ”Mad, Bad, and Dangerous” doesn’t mean he can’t love
You till the end of time and through all obstacles
In your way
A secret cousin who takes you in
A random inheritance gives you freedom from him
Then you’re hearing voices that change your life
Your love’s been blinded by a fire
Set by his crazy wife
And isn't it Byronic...don't you think?
A little too Byronic...and, yeah, I really do think...
When that man showed up on your wedding day
And dreams were shattered cause your fiancé
Had a wife in the attic that he’d hidden away
You should've thought... it figures
Tall, Dark, and Handsome face haunting your dreams at night
”Mad, Bad, and Dangerous” ways telling you he’s no white knight
He’s no white knight
24 March, 2009
Resolution Pt. Two
How about instead I give you a sneak peek into the Broadway Musical I'm writing? It's about an Enchanted, but Cursed Castle.
Cue Intro Music (This video has the perfect mood music, it's just how I imagined!) Read the opening narration, while it plays.
NARRATOR: Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he enjoyed good health and everything else his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old, sickly woman came to the castle and offered him a single roll of toilet paper in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her ugliness and flatulence, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by smells, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress that smelled of roses. The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no catharsis in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed his bowels into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous stomach, and putrid smell, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The roll she had offered was truly an enchanted roll, which would last until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last sheet was used, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a constipated beast for all time. As the years passed, his proctitis turned to colitis, and his colitis to crohn's, and he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?
Here's the lyrics to one of the completed songs:
Pooping Again, Written by Mary Sanders
Dedicated to Any and Every One who suffers from Crohn’s, Colitis, Proctitis, or IBS
LUMIERE
Ha ha, yes, my friends.
The day we have waited for may be at hand!
MRS. POTTS
Oh, only if that were true, Lumiere!
LUMIERE
Aaah...pooping again
MRS. POTTS
Pooping again
LUMIERE
Yes, think of what that means!
LUMIERE
I'll be cooking again
Be good-looking again
With a mademoiselle on each arm
When I'm pooping again
Only pooping again
Free of gas and gleaming with charm...
I'll be courting again
Chic and sporting again
MRS. POTTS
Without causing the ladies alarm!
CHIP
I'll hop into the loo
LUMIERE
And toute suite take a poo
CHIP
I can't wait to be pooping again
MME. DE LA GRANDE BOUCHE, MRS. POTTS ,BABETTE
When we're pooping again
Only pooping again
When our bodies start working once more
CHIP
Little push to begin
It could, whoosh, fall right in!
MME. DE LA GRANDE BOUCHE
Ah, cherie, won't it all be top-drawer
I'll wear lipstick and rouge
And I won't feel so huge
Why, I'll comf'ly fit in tight clothes!
I won’t keep getting caught
Everyday
On the pot
It's my thought to be pooping again
COGSWORTH
When I'm pooping again
Only pooping again
When the world once more starts making sense
I'll unwind for a change
LUMIERE
Really? That'd be strange!
COGSWORTH
Can I help it if I'm t-t-tense?
In a shack by the seas
I'll sit back eating cheese
Let my early retirement commence
I'll forget my exlax
Have no stains on my slacks, and relax!
ALL
When I'm pooping again
So grab some pills from the drawer!
Avoid eating fried rice!
I can feel, I can tell
Something might break the spell
Any day now!
MRS. POTTS, EGG TIMER, WHISK
Open the cupboards and get out some Tums
MRS. POTTS
Pop these down so you don’t get the runs
ALL
Scoop up the years
Of bloating and tears
And flush them away!
ALL
When… We're… pooping again
Only pooping again
We'll be walking around with such ease
When we're pooping again
Only pooping again
And it just takes a quick one-two-three (One, two, three!)
No more groaning again!
No more Chrohning again!
We’ll be feeling as fine as you please
Like a cured human does
I'll be all that I was
On that glorious morn
When we're fin'lly reborn
And we're all of us pooping again!
You know me, I like to have lofty goals. One can dream, right?
19 February, 2009
What Twilight Should Have Been
Yeah, I know, I need a new topic. But after being secretly obsessed with those books, I've been trying to both justify my reaction, and figure out how I feel about the books now.
I have already dealt with the some of the Questionable Content in Twilight. As well as the Reason Why People Read it. Today, I'm going to quickly examine the literary merits of the book, and then explain what form it could, and perhaps should, have taken.
One thing that helped me understand my own veiw, was going to amazon.com and reading the reviews of others. Not the paltry ones from "Twi-hards" or haters (which generally focus entirely on story content and whether they loved or hated it), but the meaty ones that are written with thought (and allude to the author's skill). I especially like the 3/5 stars entries, because there I generally find reviews I agree with. These often point out the same flaws/strengths. Elizabeth Spires, reviewing for the New York Times, got it right.
"The premise of "Twilight" is attractive and compelling — who hasn't fantasized about unearthly love with a beautiful stranger? — but the book suffers at times from overearnest, amateurish writing. A little more "showing" and a lot less "telling" might have been a good thing, especially some pruning to eliminate the constant references to Edward's shattering beauty and Bella's undying love."
The way I see it, Twilight suffers from two main things.
It Lacks Plot. If you can be satisfied to follow every minute detail of a heroine's mental agony over new love (as apparently I can), then you'll enjoy Twilight. The book does not offer as much in the way of life events, as it does in mental/emotional events. Also, it is a very linear book. Bella has one problem and, as soon as it is resolved, another problem enters to take it's place.
The Main Characters Aren't Sympethetic. Those who view books critically tend to find Bella annoying and weak, and Edward abusive. Those who, like me, take characters at face value on a first read, found them to be exactly what Stephenie Meyer intended. Bella is supposed to have a quiet strength. She rarely stands up for herself or speaks her mind but, in the end, she always does what she thinks is right. Edward is supposed to be the strong intellectual that burns with such passion he will stand in the way of anything that threaten's Bella's safety (including Bella herself). The problem lies, as Elizabeth Spires said, in too much telling, and not enough showing. People like me tend to believe everything they are told (unless there is obvious evidence to the contrary), but to about half the population, seeing is believing. So while I find that Bella and Edward's relationship is reminicent of Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester's (INFJ + ENTJ), many people find the whole thing to be a disgusting, anti-feminist travesty. In the end, perhaps they are right.
Obviously, the fatal flaw in my Jane Eyre argument is that, in that story, Jane was the one strong enough to leave a bad situation, while in Twilight's sequal, it is Edward that leaves.
Now, on to the THE POINT of my post (yes, I know I always take too long to arrive, but in case you haven't noticed, it's the journey, the "rising action" that I enjoy).
What should Twilight have been? No plot? Flat characters? I'd have thought it was obvious.
Twilight Should have been an Opera
Remember those famous lines from Phantom (Which, incidentally, is not an opera)?
You'd never get away
with all this in a play,
but if it's loudly sung
and in a foreign tongue
it's just the sort of story
audiences adore,
in fact a perfect opera!
Traditional opera is a combination of two kinds of singing: Recititive and Aria. Recititive is singing where the melody mimics human speech patterns. It is the conversations, the dialogue, and what moves the action in an opera. Arias are moments in time. Traditionally, they are supposed to explore a single emotion. They do not move the plot forward, but instead are a probe of some aspect of the human experience. (Which is why people take so long to die in operas, they're exploring their final emotion.)
Twilight is full of emotional probes.
Imagine the selections on the soundtrack?
An Aria for Bella, "L'amour est un brillant poitrine".
And one for Edward, "Qu'est-ce qu'elle pense en ce moment?"
And while we're at it, how about Charlie? "S'il vous plaît, rester loin de ma fille!"
No? No opera?
Fine.
Twilight Should have been a Poem
Imagine if Stephenie Meyer had chosen a more abstract method to catalogue her famous dream? Instead of creating characters that made her curious to explore their lives, she could have focused on the strong emotions involved, written a page a verse, and been done.
I'm no poet, but here's what I came up with in a few minutes:
Green leaves cover death
secret song thrums through veins to capture heart
darkness never looked so bright
breath steals it's last moment
Life lives it's fullest
thinking
perhaps
it has come to an end
Heart stopped by absence....
or presence
What would you decide?
Not very good, but I could keep at it and make it better.
My friend, though he hated the movie, was somehow inspired by the concept. He came home and wrote a creeptastically chilling love song. Someday, when it's online, I'll link it here, but for now, you'll have to make do with my attempt.
Alright, now, I know you might not like poetry, so here's my favorite thought:
Twilight Should have been a BALLET
Imagine! No dialogue! No characters agonizing over their faults while the audience completely agrees. No constant discriptions of Edward's beauty! Physical beauty could be successfully portrayed by the (statistically) gay man in the part. It wouldn't be weird that he takes his shirt off, because it'll actually help us see the lines of his movement! And Bella would never have to remind us how clumsy she is.
Ballets have a tradition of romance and the supernatural, and can also do well in industrialized settings (wish I could have seen Matthew Bourne's Cinderella, set in WWII Britain, when it was here in LA).
Bella and Edward's danger laden passion could have been exemplified in beautiful, tension filled pas de deux ("step of two," a dancer's duet, if you will). And imagine the high school scenes! I can picture the intricate chaos between classes, the shy and clumsy Bella, unaware of her effect on those around her. And don't forget pas d'action! The romance would probably not take as long, so we could skip ahead to an Allegro fight scene with James.
How else can we ladies talk our men into going to the ballet?
I'll make a poll. Let me know which you think Twilight should have been.
P.S. I've never tried to get my husband to go to a ballet, but he took ballet in college and I go to Clippers' games with him, so maybe I should try it....
15 January, 2009
Insert Cheesy Title Here
Occasionally, I hear a piece of music, either instrumental or in a language I don't understand, that is SO pure....SO exquisite I simply want to....
Cry?
Melt?
Die?
Those aren't very positive words, but that's as close as I can come.... Something about these rare pieces make me want to change my physical form and....what? Leave my body and become the music? I don't know. All I know is that they make me feel large and small at once. Happy and sad.....but inspired, full of Light....and....peace.
Maybe that's it, Peace.
Whatever this phenomenon is, I'd like to share the melodies that cause it.
I first discovered the feeling while watching the Jody Foster movie Contact. I decided it was my favorite movie, and asked for the soundtrack for Christmas. I haven't seen the movie since, but the music, by Alan Silvestri (Beowulf, Forrest Gump, The Polar Express), still holds me in its power.
I couldn't find it online, but THIS cheesy website uses the main theme in the background. Incidentally, the site is called Pathways to Peace.
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Next, I was introduced to Howard Shore, and the magic simplicity of the Shire with: Concerning Hobbits. (See player below for the rest of the songs)
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Followed by Renata Tebaldi's O Mio Babbino Caro on Pavarotti's Opera Made Easy: My favorite Opera for Everyone. (I could not find that recording, but Sissel does a beautiful job. I also liked the Renee Fleming one, but her strong vibrato can distract from the purity of the sound.
Listen to those high notes! It just makes me feel....
I have no words.
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Next, representing my college years, we have Always with Me, from the Spirited Away Soundtrack. This woman wrote and performed the song, accompanying herself on the LYRE! She was a fan who sent her beautiful work to Mr. Miyazaki (The Disney of Japan--popularity wise, not style wise). It was inspired by a previous movie, but worked well for Spirited Away so it was included as the closing Theme.
You are not allowed to say you don't like Anime until you have seen at least two or three Miyazaki movies. Suggestions? Spirited Away (in English or Japanese), Castle in the Sky (Don't watch it in English, Mark Hamil as the bad guy is fun, but the rest is ridiculous), and Howl's Moving Castle (with the title character voiced by Christian Bale).
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Finally, we have the song I scoured the internet for all morning. Eventually, I found it by typing "Modern Traditional" in google. It has been stuck in my head for a few days, but I couldn't remember the name! I have heard it several times, originally on American Tapestry by Jenny Oaks Baker and Jenny Richards, but couldn't remember where I'd heard it.
So here's Ashokan Farewell.
Enjoy your passage into my head!