20 August, 2009

25 Random Things I've DONE: Indiscretions of my Past and Present

Scroll down to read the NEWLY ADDED 11 and 12!

1. For years, whenever I used the bathroom in someone else's house, I'd check to make sure there was no one behind the shower curtain....I've gotten over that particular fear though, ahuhu

2. When I was 15, my friends and I would get really annoyed with the interruptions from this group of boys in our early morning seminary class. One night, when we were babysitting at the church for some Relief Society function, we brought red and pink paper and markers with us and "Heart Attacked" our classroom with Valentines to and from the two worst (we thought) boys, declaring their love for each other (I'm not saying their names cause they turned out really well, and are nice guys). We put hearts all over the walls and chairs, and we decorated the chalkboards. In the morning, we arrived to find that the teacher had left EVERYTHING up! Apparently she too was annoyed by their jokes and comments in class. All she did was erase the chalkboard that she needed for her lesson. Those poor guys....we made them look foolish and accused them of being gay....and I'm sure they never suspected the home-schoolers!!! I never really felt bad about this....cause it was just a joke, but there were a few other times where I was just plain rude to them (Me? Yes. ME.) and I do regret that.

3. One night after mutual (church meeting for youth), my friend discovered a pair of lacy, RED panties in the bushes by the church. Being the creative girls we were (and apparently very innocent and unconcerned with STDs), we hatched a plan to take them and place them on the antenna of this guy the next morning at seminary. (I think we chose him because he was usually out after us, and he parked his car around the corner....at least....I hope that's why we picked him). Anyway, my friend (ah heck, who cares. It was Chrissy) took the undies home, and brought them the next day in a plastic bag. The deed was done, and we had the thrill, but no pay-off....until a week later. Fortunately, this guy happened to have a little sister who was also a dear friend. She told us the strange, and scintillating, tale of the mysterious red underwear on her brother's car (he was a good boy and went straight home to tell his mother). Poor kid, he'd probably never seen "Satan's Panties" before. Home-schoolers strike again!

4. A friend and I once got into a fake fight on Myspace. We had discussed it, and then my friend acted on it, so I retaliated. Basically the idea was to see who were the type of people that would be curious enough to ask, and who would ignore the drama....it was kind of silly, sorry if I offended you.

5. Ooh! Another fake fight. I call this one, "YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST!" On April Fool's Day '04 my friend (later roommate) Becky and I had a shouting match in my dorm room. She promptly slammed the door and went to her room. I then opened the door, shouted, "And don't slam my door!" and then slammed my own door. Then we laughed hysterically while IMing each other. It turned out that only one person heard it, but I told Isabelle (Becky's roommate) about it later, and she totally believed me. Then I had to tell her I lied, cause I'm like that.

6. More Myspace. Apparently, I am spontaneous sometimes. I decided, for some reason, that it would be funny to change my Myspace profile picture to a sonogram. I guess I just wanted to confuse people, but no one ever said anything. Maybe they assumed it was a niece or nephew....or maybe they thought I'd gotten married without telling anyone....oh well.

7. For a while, my friends and I had the habit of inserting the words in the phrase someone had just said into this form: I'll _____ YOUR ______.

For example: "Watch out for that stop sign!" became "I'll stop YOUR sign."

It was dumb, and usually dirty. One day a friend tried to come up with something that COULDN'T be made dirty, I think it was "Happy Unicorns." And I immediately replied, "I could make that dirty."

Well, everyone thought that was the FUNNIEST thing. I mean, Mary SANDERS, making things dirty? Are pigs flying? (Yes I had the whole "clean mind" reputation) Truth is, I think in metaphors, so of course I can make anything dirty, just like I can make anything about life, or creativity, or education.

Alas, I have since been known as, Mary Makes-it-Dirty.

(Incidentally, "I'll happy YOUR unicorn" sounds VERY dirty, and I didn't even have to TRY)

8. I never had a crush until the week before my seventeenth birthday, when I "fell" for my friends older brother (along with a bunch of other girls too young for him). Anyway, he arranged this singing group for church, and I totally messed up my part (okay, actually just the beginning, but still). And that's how I learned that embarrassment is a great cure for unrequited....

9. Ooh, ooh! More stupid things I've where guys are concerned! In college, I had a crush on a guy named Isaac. We ended up walking to school together by chance one morning, and I commiserated with him over a bad cold he had. He mentioned that he'd heard garlic was good for the immune system, and I concurred. We parted, and, being the stupid that I am, that evening I borrowed some of my roommates garlic pills (yes, she knew) and taped them to Isaac's door in a zip-loc bag.

Wait....here's the lame part. I left an anonymous note that said something like, "I heard you were sick, and thought you could use these." He, being the Completely Unsuspicious guy he was (at BYU, no less!), found me on Sunday to ask if they were from me, and thank me for my thoughtfulness.

And....that's all. Nothing came of it. I wonder what happened to him? He was really fun/smart/nice, but didn't date any of the girls that liked him (and there were quite a few). Oh well. Wherever you are, I hope you are happy!

10. What's that? You say you want more embarrassing stories about my former love life [lack thereof]? Hmm.... Well, there was Weston. He was quirky-fun and probably a genius (I've got a weakness for genius). Anyway, I liked him, and thought he might just like me (we went on a hilariously fun date, but I asked....although he did play with my hair once, and let our elbows touch during the movie....). Needless to say, I was confused. It all came to a head the last week of school (deadlines make me brave, aka stupid). Again, I went with the note (this time letter) taped to the door. My version of brave doesn't seem very brave, does it.

Anyway, I told him, if he was interested, he should come see me but, if not, I'd probably see him on Sunday and I hope he had a nice life. I suffered some heartache because, of course, he didn't come....that night. The following night, he called and asked me if we could talk. Let me tell you, this guy is quality. He didn't have feelings for me, but explained that he had spent some time trying to make sure. Basically, he actually thought about it. Then, instead of taking the easy out I had offered him, he came to my apartment to explain in person, and try to comfort me. I cannot tell you the depth of my respect for this guy acting like a man. I was almost glad he broke my heart, cause the way he did it was so....nice.
We emailed a few times. Making sure to wait a week or two in between each one so neither of us would appear overeager (for completely different reasons, of course). Gradually, my feelings faded. And then, of course, I started hanging out with Chris. I actually grew a lot from the experience emotionally. It was a stepping stone to real love, by expanding my ability to feel heartache. I tend to shy away from big feelings, trying to suppress them until I feel safe.

11. College pranks! One year I threw a St. Patrick's Day party for my roommates and some people in my ward (Ah, good old Sparks II). We watched Waking Ned Devine (One of the FUNNIEST movies EVER), and I made Irish Soda Bread (yum!). I also bought some gold wrapped bonbons from Wal-Mart (still need to repent for that....) as a sort of stand-in for leprechaun gold. I told everyone they were "Irish Bonbons" (there's no such thing that I am aware of). Little did they know that I had replaced about half of them with chocolate dipped mushroom caps! I kept waiting and waiting for someone to freak out, and, halfway through the movie, Weston (See #10) went, "Ugh! That's disgusting," and, with a look of analytical concentration, promptly took another bite. Meanwhile, I was dieing of laughter in the kitchen. Everyone thought I'd gone mad, but I explained and they laughed. Then my roommate Isabelle pulled out her half-eaten "bonbon" from where she had hidden it under a cusion, not wanting to hurt my feelings!

12. Once I left my purse upstairs after Sunday School, one of the guys offered to go get it for me, so later, during Relief Society (Women's Meeting) I wrote him a "Sunshine Note" (it was a silly/cutesy college tradition, they had someone in charge of distributing the notes), thanking him for being so nice. Then my roommate Becky asked if I had anything to eat with me (she'd get shaky sometimes from what I think was hypoglycemia). I opened up my purse to grab my half eaten granola bar, but I couldn't find it. I didn't think much of it because I lose things all the time (especially in my purse), but, after church when the notes had been delivered, Josh (just remembered his name) came over to apologize for stealing my granola bar. He felt really bad when he got my thank you note. I gave him a hard time (stealing on Sunday, roommate with hypoglycemia, etc.), but we laughed it off. Apparently he had put it in his pocket upside-down, so it crumbled all over. He left feeling properly punished, I'm sure. Of course, late that night, we removed all the wrappers from one and a half Costco boxes of granola bars and taped them to his door.
We just wanted to make sure he nipped that stealing thing in the bud.


Rich Sanders said...

Those are all really good. I especially like the second one. After all creative revenge is the best kind of revenge!

I would say "Revenge is a dish best served creative" but that sounds rather lame.

Anyway great post. It looks like you have as many "misadventures" as I do.

Quixotic Healer said...

Ha ha, "Creative Revenge," eh? I agree, that's probably why I enjoy Burn Notice so much....

I'm glad my paltry revolutions meet your approval. I'm trying to remember more....

jeremyandgirls said...

HAHA!! Those are funny!!!

Rebeccah said...